On Green Smoothies

I know, I know, you're wondering what the hell smoothies have to do with writing. Look: smoothies are a writer's best friend. They're chock full of vitamins, minerals, antioxidants, and other good-for-you stuff, and the best part? HANDS FREE NUTRITION. Type away while you sip up their yummy goodness.

Oh, you don't think healthy smoothies can be delicious without adding sugar? Do this:

Freeze some bananas the night before. Don't be like me and leave the peels on and then throw them in the blender anyway because monkey eat the peel, what's the harm? You will taste the peel. Don't add fresh bananas and then add ice because your smoothie is a runny, warm mess. Just freeze the damn peeled bananas. Trust me.

Okay, so you woke up and you're ready for your smoothie. Take 2 cups of spinach and blend with two cups of almond milk. Add some flax seeds for more protein, you're going to need it for your writing marathon. Add one mango and two cups pineapple. Want a creamy, delicious smoothie with healthy fats? Add half an avocado. Then add a frozen banana.

You're done! Drink that delicious mixture up!

You don't even need a fancy blender. I use this one:

It costs $17 on Amazon, and I think you can get it at Target and Walmart, too. My friend uses one of those hundred dollar bullet things, but she's a show off.

Later you can get all creative and add different ingredients, but one thing I've noticed is that green smoothies are always more delicious with mango. But I could be biased. I really, really crave mango.

Green Smoothie Recipe

1 Frozen Banana

2 Cups Spinach

2 Cups Almond Milk

1/2 Avocado

1 Mango

2 Cups Pineapple

1 Tablespoon Flax Seeds

On "Smooth Talking Stranger" or Why I Love Lisa Kleypas

A good romance novel is like a good robe -- warm, comfortable, a little sexy, and the perfect antidote to a bad day. Try it! Sick, broken-hearted, or just fed up with life? Take a long bath, make yourself some hot chocolate (or pour yourself a glass of wine), put on your robe, and read yourself a nice romance novel.

Lisa Kleypas is one of the best romance writers around today. I love her historical novels (especially her Hathaways and Wallflowers series), but as a Texan girl I will always have a soft spot for her contemporary novels set in Houston. The Travis family is a realistic depiction of Texan men and women -- stubborn as all hell but loyal, well-dressed but never far from a pair of jeans, and the accent in the writing leaves me with a Texan drawl for days (and an indulgent husband who accepts that I will be doing things "right quick" until it fades).

Smooth Talking Stranger is my personal favorite, but I might just be partial to heroines from Austin with families they avoid. Ella has (mostly) overcome her traumatic childhood featuring a mother who is suffering from a disorder that caused her daughters to constantly walk on eggshells. Her sister, Tara, finally cracks under the pressure and leaves her newborn son with their crazy mother. Ella takes care of the baby while her sister undergoes intense therapy, which throws a wrench in her relationship with her boyfriend and introduces her to Jack Travis, son of a billionaire oil baron and a businessman in his own right.

Jack is your typical alpha male romance hero, but with a Texan twist. Klepas' dialogue, as per usual, is crackling and funny. The sex scenes are hot, as always. More importantly, this is a man who changes a diaper without prompting. Even I fell in love after that.

I read the entire book last night while my husband and baby slept (which is the only time of day I'm able to get some reading done) and felt completely refreshed despite my lack of sleep. Everyone needs a good romance novel every now and then, and Smooth Talking Stranger is definitely that.

I haven't read her other two Texas novels, but they're definitely next on my list!

On What "50 Shades of Grey" Did Right

I know. I knooooowwwwww. I almost threw the book down as soon as Anastasia used his toothbrush.  (I love me some kink, but sharing tooth plaque would definitely be one of my 'hard limits'). Fifty Shades gets a lot of flak for being poorly written fan fiction that was inexplicably elevated to a best selling novel.

I avoided it pretty well for a while, but my mother in law has been talking about it non-stop (not awkward at all, right?), and with the movie coming out I decided I would read it. I'm not going to lie, it was a little rough working through it. This book is not quite my cup of tea, which is disappointing because it could be.

You already know all the things wrong with the book: Ana's inner goddess (seriously I want to punch that weird yoga poser in the face), Grey 'gasps' every ten seconds (for a super dominant, sexy, no-nonsense businessman, his mannerisms seriously mimic that of a preteen girl -- and so do his emails), and Ana's weird emotional roller coaster (I think she's cried like ten times so far and I'm only one third of a way through the book -- girl, what are you crying about? You've known this fool three weeks just walk away). Some things are more debatable: yeah, okay, the tampon scene was weird. The BDSM is not really how BDSM works.

But it didn't become a best seller for absolutely no reason, and there are lessons this book can teach writers about the new romance scene that has emerged in its wake.

Focus on the Characters

People don't read a romance novel to be swept away by the plot. Well, okay, maybe I do. Maybe you do. But there are a significant amount of people that prefer to read a story that completely explores the emotional journey between two characters. That cool side story you created? A reader might have just skimmed it. Be judicious: no, you don't want the characters to seem like they have no lives outside of each other, but what does each scene reveal about the character? Is it really necessary?

Amp Up the Tension

In every single scene there is a problem. Is it a stupid problem? That's debatable (although I lean towards yes). She's incompatible with the man she loves, and her running narration is always focused on this problem. Annoying for some, and exhausting for me to read, but based on the thousands upon thousands of sales, something here was working.

Inner Voice

Ana has a clear voice. Now, is it slightly British when she supposedly lives in Oregon? Sure. Does she say 'Holy crap' more than my Wisconsonite aunt? It's probably a draw. If she says 'Jeez' one more time am I going to throw my Kindle across the room? You get the point. But I think the book is popular because she is annoying. I can't stand her and that means she has an actual personality! I've read more than a few reviews that claim she is a blank slate that makes it easier for a reader to insert themselves into the novel, but I don't think so. I think enough people actually just like her.

People Were Ready For Something New

The BDSM-lite came around at the right cultural moment. People were sick of reading the same love scenes over and over again with different character names inserted. Frankly, they wanted something a little weird, and Fifty Shades is definitely not typical -- it even does away with your normal Happily Ever After ending. At a time when the majority of romance novels were written in the third person, this is written in first (and in the present tense, to boot).

Sexy Hero

Even I was a little turned on by Mr. Grey -- until he opened his mouth and gasped. What could have been. There's a reason this little book has spawned a huge collection of billionaire smut. Who doesn't want a man who's mysterious, reserved, maybe a little dangerous, gorgeous, and beyond rich? Hell, forget the kinky sex, I was left fantasizing about a man buying me a red Audi.

So, there you have it. Is Fifty Shades of Grey a good book? Hey, I'm not going to go all sour grapes on something that people clearly enjoy. It's not for me, but there are definitely elements that influenced its popularity, and any erotic author worth her salt should be taking notes.

On Characters in Erotic Fiction

Have you ever cruised to a cool 15,000 word count, suddenly looked at your manuscript, and realized that your characters sparked about as much as a wet sock?

Sexy!

Maybe it's just me.

Sure, I've read some great erotica with a snappy, twisting, interesting plot, but unlike any other genre other than romance, if the characters don't spark against each other you have nothing. If you're like me and write with the plot foremost in your mind...I'm sorry. It's rough. I can't count the number of times I've had to scrap an entire story because I looked at the interaction between the characters and even I was bored.

In order to save time and tears there are a couple of tricks I use:

Characters First!

I still have wild ideas about plots, and small snippets of stories that appear out of nowhere (usually while I'm dripping wet in the shower). Whereas I used to just plop down in front of the computer, or sometimes a notebook, and just free write that world as it came to me, now I just write enough down to remember it at a later time.

Yeah, it was painful at first, but so was getting fifteen thousand words into a story and realizing the characters were never going to work.

My husband used to work at casting and development for a reality show, and he'd bring a lot of his work home with him. The show could be about (and usually was about) anything: a truck stop, a gator farm, a cleaning service, a night club, ect. What mattered most was the chemistry between the characters. (Are you getting a theme here?).

So now I operate like I'm casting a television show. I visualize and develop multiple characters, and I sort of "interview" them against each other. I can always rework one of the plots and worlds I've sketched out for them once I find a pair or two that click together, and I've found reworking the plots to the characters to be much more rewarding than my past method of seat-of-pantsing and working in another edit after the work is finished.

Tension!

That said, you cannot forget the plot entirely, even if the only thing the plot centers on is should they/shouldn't they.

The best characters in the world still need motivation to be interesting, and two awesome characters who want each other is important, but isn't it more fun to have a little bit more?

My favorite reads are about characters who probably shouldn't be together, and who still want each other, and struggle with themselves or society over this. What can I say, I'm a sucker of self vs. self. 

If you're an erotic author you can make any sex scene read hot. You write unconventionally, and you keep the reader on their toes. But I prefer when the sex is integral to the plot and character development. The best works (again, just my opinion) use their erotic setting to challenge and develop their characters, and at the end of the story the characters have changed, even if there is no happily ever after.

It's Not Just For Erotica!

Developing your characters first will serve you well in all kinds of fiction. In the YA novel I'm working on (yes, under a different pen name) I worked hard to develop my main character's voice and it has served me very well. If the character is strong enough, the plot just happens, and it's truly a pleasure to write.

What are some tools you use to develop your characters? Do you use character sheets, character interviews, or just write them as you go along?

On Beets in Smoothies

Okay, so maybe you're familiar with Pinterest, or as my husband calls it: "Not This Crap Again Jen You Are NOT Martha Stewart Why Do You Need Organic Ginger Root?".

Speakinggg of Martha, I was searching for an awesome picture (really, any picture, because seriously how amazing is Martha Stewart?) and I saw that she had a beef with Rachael Ray!!!

Team Martha, those panelists are clueless. I would kill to have Martha Stewart just cut me down with a comment. Maybe I have issues...

Speaking of issues, and Pinterest, I've developed a new hobby.

A delicious new hobby.

DOESN'T EVERYTHING LOOK BETTER IN RUSTIC MASON JARS?!

No, I'm not juicing. No offense to juicers, but whenever is that enthusiastic about something I just assume y'all are trying to get me to join a cult. Same reason I refuse to Crossfit.

I am becoming a smoothie master. I am actually eating, err, drinking fruits and veggies! Best of all, I only need one hand to slurp them down before I'm back on "Why Is My Baby Screaming At Me, Now?" duty.

My husband has begrudgingly accepted his fate in this smoothie fad, although we are still working on getting him to drink or eat anything with chia seeds in it.

Who knew, right? We should have been munching on those things in the 90s.

Anyway, I did finally convince him to eat (drink?) a smoothie with beets in it, which I consider a personal victory even if it didn't look as cute as on Pinterest. And I'll share that recipe with y'all, because you know what beets have? Iron and folate. You know what everyone needs, besides love? Iron and folate.

Without further ado, my personal beet smoothie recipe. A picture is forthcoming the next time I make it, my phone is currently invaded by baby pics and I need to make more space.

Okay, so you buy some beets. Wash your beets. Cut those beets into quarters and put them in the oven at 400 degrees for about 30 minutes. If you have a hard-core blender you can put them in raw, but I like them roasted because they taste sweeter.

That's all the prep you need!

Jenna's Surprisingly Tasty Beet Smoothie Recipe:

1 beet, roasted 

1/2 cup blueberries

1 cup vanilla yogurt

1/2 avocado

1 cup baby spinach

3 ice cubes

Honey to taste (All the recipes I've read said to use raw honey, but...I don't really know what raw honey is. But if you like raw honey use that.)

The avocado makes it super creamy, but my husband was a little squicked out seeing it placed in the blender. So don't be scared! 

Husband's Review: "It's good but I'm not buying any damn mason jars."

Success!

On Writing Erotica

It happened last November.

My husband and I moved to Florida because New York City, particularly our tiny apartment in Queens, wasn't exactly conducive to raising a family and I was six months pregnant at the time.

Florida gets a bad rap in the news. A deservedly bad rap, let's be honest: Florida is insane. My favorite part of living in Florida, besides the beaches, has to be the local news. If you don't live in Florida my local news is so much better than your local news, like, you don't even know. At one point I was watching the news and these were the top three stories: a sinkhole ate someone, someone fell out of a plane(!?!?), and an alligator was chilling in someone's swimming pool.

Anyway, we moved, and I didn't have a job or a car yet, and there was only so many times in one day I could walk to Publix, you know? And it was November.

My nerdy writer friends already know where I'm going with this: I NanoWriMoed.

Now, I had NanoWriMoed before, but I had school and work and I never seemed to make it past a few thousand words before I decided maybe I should eat and sleep before bed instead of writing. There just wasn't the time, and to be honest, I didn't have the drive.

Then, just as a lark, I submitted a chapter to an editor participating in NanoWriMo...and she liked it. Someone besides me liked what I was writing. I'd, uh, never really shown anyone else what I wrote before, because I had a paralyzing fear that it was just too embarrassing. I've been writing for myself since I could hold a pencil, but it was a private thing.

I launched into the book, and I finished it ahead of December, and...

I hated it.

I couldn't stand to look at it. I edited it, and re-edited, and then just shoved the pages I'd typed into a drawer and refused to look at them until a month ago. I read it again, and I fell in love with the story all over again. I thought about sending it to the editor (who had requested the full work upon completion, and gave me a special pass or whatever to cut through the slush pile), but I just couldn't do it.

What if I were rejected? (Yes, I am almost thirty years old. Sigh.)

So I did something crazy. I self-published.

And it sold.

Not crazy, but I sold fourteen copies the first week, and I sold ten the next, and then I released another short story and it sold four copies the first day.

So far I am not a millionaire. I haven't even made enough money to pay my cable bill. Maybe I should have just sent it to a publishing company and hoped for the best, but...I like this. There's something about having direct control over my product that makes it easier to produce.

I'm working on a novel that I might submit to publishers when I finish (that isn't erotica), just to prove to myself that I can be published, but so far I like not being beholden to the rules of genre. Neither of my stories have traditional HEAs (Happily Ever Afters), and they're not exactly marketable (one is a short story, and one features a priest and a succubus), but they're all mine, and people actually seem to want to read them (I've only had one return so far, knock on wood).

And because it's erotica I can't really tell my friends and family. I mean, I guess I could, but it's weird enough writing it with a baby hanging out next to me. I don't really want to make family dinners any more awkward than they already are.

So. I can't tell anyone that I'm writing erotica...except for the entire internet.

I'm writing erotica!!! Buy it! ;-)